Conversari House: Conversations by the Moonlit Night

Has the humility of the manger taught us nothing?

Apparently not...

Dear Friends, Relatives, and Pompous Letter Writers,

Well, hard as it is for me to believe, it is time once again to sit down with customary humility and pen the Johnson Family’s annual year-in-review letter. This year has been an especially good one for our family and we all hope your year was just as great. There is much to report, though, so let me get started.

Our eldest, Johnny, turned 29 early on this year and celebrated the big event by throwing back a few choice beverages at Craig’s Tavern like he does every night except Wednesday, when he stays in to spend some quality time with his old man as we faithfully watch Law and Order. The Upper Darby police rained on Johnny’s birthday celebration, though, when they pulled him over for drunk driving. Without a license for most of this year, my beautiful wife Jackie has been carting Johnny back and forth to his job in Yeadon. It’s been a true blessing for both of them, as they’ve gotten to spend so much quality time with one another.

Jennifer, 27, and her four-year-old daughter Jessica, moved back home after a long and drawn-out divorce with Axel, her husband of three-and-a-half years. Getting full custody of Jessica proved to be the greatest difficulty in the entire hassle. Although Axel’s drug addition was made known during the hearings, Jessica’s ongoing battle with the bottle didn’t quite win her over with the courts either. Citing Jennifer as the lesser of two evils, the judge gave her custody of Jessica. Jackie and I are thrilled to have Jennifer back under our roof and truly appreciate the blessing in disguise, that is, being able to see our beautiful granddaughter Jessie grow up before our very eyes. God truly works in mysterious ways!

Our beloved and ever-fertile Jamie brought us yet another grandchild this year, Jaundice. That makes child number three for the 22-year-old go-getter. Needless to say, with yet another grandchild, things are as exciting as ever. Seeking child support, Jamie is currently in a court battle with three potential fathers. Jamie is no stranger to the courts, or to DNA testing for that matter, and so we have no worries that she won’t come through with another court-mandated breadwinner in no time flat.

14-year-old Justin, our baby, is doing his best to make the blue and green of the Prep glow with an outstanding start to his high school career. Not only is he excelling in scholastics, earning a solid D+ average this semester, but he also rode the pine for the soccer squad this fall. Justin is rising to meet the challenges of high school, and Jackie and I are proud of our Hummer’s newest bumper sticker: “My son is a so-so student at the Prep!”

As you can see, we’ve really had a busy and exciting year sharing in all the kids’ adventures – which is why I’m held in awe every time I step back and think about my better half, Jackie. As she is every year, Jackie has been the glue that held the John family together in 2006. Not only was she there for all of us when we needed her, but she was there with open arms and a smile plastered on her face. Specifically, a new smile plastered on her face. To celebrate her 50th birthday, I treated Jackie to a facelift, a nose job, a few vats worth of liposuction, a tummy-tuck, and one heck of a boob-job. All those surgeries made for a rough year for Jackie, but she is a battler and handled it like a champ. True to form, she’s ready to greet the “back 9” of life looking better than ever!

As for yours truly, I can only look back on the past year and smile. Business is doing great, the D.A. dropped the investigation into those much publicized allegations of fraud, and I’m toying with the idea of running for political office. You know me, though, I just can’t sit still!

As you can see, 2006 was another banner year for the Johnson family.

From our family to yours, best wishes for a 2007 as joyful as our past year!

Sincerely yours,

The Johnson Family